Year 4, Week 33: Big-Girl Pants

Cody left for a business trip three weeks ago. He was gone two weeks—the longest stint of time we’ve spent apart since I studied abroad in Spain. In 2013.

Before that, the longest stint away was when we were long distance for 2.5 years, for 3-4 months at a time.

This reflection is not about how badly it sucked that my husband was gone. This reflection is about how much I had to learn and, subsequently, grow because I didn’t have Cody to hide behind. …That’s the part that kind of sucked. A little.

Before he left, we had spent a great weekend together, happy reflecting on our last year: I’ve jumped into a sustainable fitness lifestyle, we bought a rental property, are happy with our jobs, and though the construction on our most recently acquired building is going slower than we would have liked, life is calm. Under control. We expressed gratitude over this.

The first week without Cody was fine — fun, even. It reminded me of when he left last year for a little while. I spent a few days (and nights) at my parents’ house because the extreme Polar Vortex temps closed school and, frankly, if I had the choice between being cold and alone or cold with family, I will choose the latter every time.

Hanging out with my dad was one of the best ways to “be cool” with Cody being gone. It was really sweet to feel Mom and Dad welcome me home with the most open arms, warmest mugs of tea, and most crisp wine after a home-cooked meal.

The temperatures were thawing by Thursday, and I was looking forward to a weekend full of friends: I knew I’d be missing Cody something fierce if I didn’t schedule some time with those who know me best.

Things didn’t go according to plan.

Friday night: ~~sleepover with Bailey, an 18-year old firecracker of spunk, pizzazz, and golden goodness.~~ Go to the house on Marengo (what we call the new house that we might get to move into in 2029 if the weather finally cooperates). Check the house for burst pipes and potential water damage.

Saturday: Mom’s birthday! I’m gonna ~~spoil her with a facial, brunch, and a couple hours at the casino.~~ meet the plumber. Go out for breakfast with a dear friend who has experience with life and can remind you it’ll be okay. Leave before food comes to let plumber into unit that actually has the problem. Come back to restaurant and most patient friend ever. Try not to cry over the fact that THE ONE ROOM IN THE NEW UNIT THAT WASN’T GONNA HAVE A HOLE NOW HAS A HOLE IN IT. Fall in love with new neighborhood all over again. Go to niece’s gymnastics meet and celebrate Mom’s birthday with family in the evening.

Sunday: Go to church; sing with Dad. Take older niece with me to Marengo to measure tenant’s shower stall; go to Menard’s, Home Depot, Marengo, Menard’s… And then two hours after scheduled, Superbowl fun with Bailey’s family (because they get life and, with them as friends, life is never nearly as bad as people suggest it is)

Monday: ~~tea with Ana after school and then an evening for my writing.~~ A really nice glass of wine with Ana, then delicious dinner when her husband came home after work. Quick trip to Menard’s, my new second home, and then home for bed time.

What the hell am I going to do when a pipe breaks? Recite a Shakespearean sonnet? I have zero practical skills in the trades.

Plans changed. I was 2.5 steps away from a panic attack. Cody is the one who shows up when things go wrong: I’m usually the one who just hands him a cup of tea at the end of the day with a pat on the back.

When things started breaking and I was the only one who could show up, I had to show up.

Cody was such a great team player when we were apart. He was in constant contact with the tenants and the plumber. I really just had to be the feet on the ground. Though it was inconvenient for a few days, I am so grateful I had Cody there — even if this time, I was walking beside him, and not hiding behind him.

I’m a natural planner, so when plans change and things are seemingly out of control, I rely heavily on the people in my village, earnest prayers from inside my car, and hope that this too shall soon pass. And let’s be clear: what happened wasn’t necessarily hard, it was just so unfamiliar. It was a learning curve; adulting, if you will.

What I am most proud of is that, when things started looking unfamiliar and scary, I didn’t just roll up into a ball and hide. I did the things that needed to be done. I learned stuff. And, though I couldn’t get one-on-one time with Bailey on Friday night, I still made sure I saw her on Sunday. I did not cancel plans with friends or family. I held onto the commitments I made to the people in my life.

Pipes will break and it’s easy to fix, but it’s not as easy to mend a broken relationship. I’m so glad that we were able to work it out, Chicago and California style. Though I may have asked Cody how I let him “get me into this real estate thing?” It was worth the rent check when I left the tenant’s unit on Sunday. Like, oh. He’s trying to protect our -my- financial future.

He’s a hell of a provider. And this time, I had the opportunity to learn how to provide for myself, too.

Year 2, Week 19: No more “Someday”

Freshman year of high school: “I dream of writing a best-selling novel.”
Senior year of high school: “Before I’m thirty, I hope I’ll have published a book.”
Sophomore year of college: “I’ll start writing when I have more time.”
Senior year of college: “…What is time, really? Is it real? I’ll write when I’m older.”
First year out of college: “I have to focus on being a good teacher, first.”
A week ago: “What if I become pregnant and I only have nine months to write a book before I really don’t have time to write? I am so sick of saying ‘Someday.’ Might as well just do this thing.”

So I started writing a novel, using NaNoWriMo as a guide, mentor, and structured stress motivator. I was tired of Cody always asking every New Years Eve, “So.. New Year’s resolution.. writing a book this time?” Supportive husbands, amiright? I kept telling him that, someday, when I put my mind to it, I’ll do it. I’m happy to report that I am writing an average of 1,679 words a day, for a grand total so far of 11,756 words. I’m thinking of updating my progress here. Don’t ask what’s driving me to write because I think it’s really just my past self’s prayers for future and present me. I’m genuinely enjoying the writing process and have WifeReflections to thank for that.

Very seriously, the messages of encouragement and validation that I have received from so many different people from totally different walks of life have kept me updating this blog week by week. Who knew people would be interested in the realities of my relationship? It is so humbling and magnificent to experience. Thank you.

I don’t mean to make this post seem so short and flippant, but I really need to sleep and prove that I met my word count so Cody will give me my phone back. It’s so past my bed time. Maybe I’ll be so busy working on this “book” that Cody will have to update his very own husband reflection next week. Stay tuned!

Year 2, Week 4: He shows up

We were about a year into our relationship, and I knew Cody would be flying in for our once-every-three-months visit while I was still at work (playing the piano at church). I asked him if he wouldn’t mind taking the bus from the airport to the church so that I could give him a big hug the moment Mass was over instead of him waiting at the airport and waiting for me to come get him. I also secretly wanted him to be part of something that made me happy; he had never heard me perform in “that” capacity before (leading ~100 people in song) so I was really excited and nervous to have him kind of just walk in while I was doing something I loved.

I wanted two things from his presence: to get a glimpse at why this was an important part of my life and to share the experience with him.

In equation form, this looked like:

Doing something that made me happy
+
sharing what made me happy with someone who made me happy
=
happy happy joy joy

Let’s fast-forward about six years from that day to February 2016.

If you want the long version, keep reading! (if you want the short version, just find the bolded phrase below): My colleague encouraged me to think about participating in an improv class during the summer. He outlined the differences between short-form improv, long-form improv, stand-up comedy, and the price tag differences on the various theaters around the city (ComedySportz, Second City, Improv Olympics, etc.) In the end, I chose ComedySportz, since they pride themselves on performing shows that are for the whole family – and they specialize in short-form improv (short, spit-fire games run competition-style between two three-person teams that keep the show moving along really nicely). Unfortunately, however, even the least expensive camp was pretty expensive.

Cody and I (try to) run on a tight budget so that we experience more cool things instead of buying more things. I wasn’t sure if my financial partner would be cool with me spending the equivalent of one month’s food budget for an improv comedy class that lasted only one week.

So here’s the SHORT form of the story (Haha, get it? No? You shouldn’t have been lazy then.)

I was encouraged to take an improv class this summer. It sounded like fun.
I told Cody I’d like to take an improv class. I don’t think he took me seriously.
I looked up the ComedySportz summer class information. I told Cody about it. I think he started to take me seriously now.
“Hey Cody, you know how you took an online course that cost a few hundred dollars? Well, this improv class is something like it.” I think I saw his hand reach in protective instinct for his wallet.
I went on a school-sponsored trip to Browning, Montana the same day early-bird registration ended. I didn’t have a chance before we left to discuss how my choice to attend this class would affect our financial goals and I couldn’t reach Cody while in Montana, so I neglected to register for the class. I was going to miss the deadline and I slowly allowed myself to realize that this class might not work out after all. All these realizations made me sad.
A couple days later, a text message from Cody appeared (Whoa! Service in Browning, MT? Yay!): “Alright! You’re all signed up for the improv class!”
Ridiculous smiling and slight shock ensued. This wasn’t part of the plan, but he did it anyway. He’s a good husband.
Class was attended! I became a little funnier. I believe I’ll be an even better English teacher now that I know games that disguise learning.
Teacher of class tells me there’s a show I get to be in?! Amazing! Show time is set for 5pm on Saturday.
How are all the people I know all busy on the day I most want them there? Whattabummer.
Cody’s capture of the show’s beginning. Here’s me pointing at all the people who weren’t able to make it but were cheering me on from a distance <3.
Hey! My brother and sister-in-law came! My old roommate and his brother came! And, duh, Cody is here.

Cody always shows up. He has shown his support for things that make me happy for as long as I can remember. How is this just hitting me now?

So – for a final review:

If it’s important to you and he makes you happy..
then the one who shows up should be the one you marry.