Cody and I have always had a running joke that, thanks to me, he has friends – I text, call, and generally have an easier time keeping in touch with people Cody admires but doesn’t necessarily reach out to all the time.
I’m happy to report, however, that it’s actually thanks to Cody that we have some of the best people in our closest circle. I wouldn’t be friends with Stacie and Halyna if Cody hadn’t clicked so well with their respective spouses, Matt and Josh, at work.
Since a company Christmas party and many celebrations thereafter, Cody and I have loved getting to know these couples, cultivating strong, fair-and-notfair-weather friendships with them. We’ve spent so many birthdays together now that I’ve lost track. We play board games, eat amazing food, and laugh so much together. We talk about important things and ideas, usually staying away from conversations about people (unless those people have done noteworthy things with their lives, then we break it down and learn from their example). We value the intricacies and quirks of each member and frequently express gratitude that we’re in each other’s lives. Most importantly, each couple boasts tenants of incredibly strong relationship: Matt and Stacie challenge each other to be better, always. Among so many others things, they take care of each other so well. Josh and Halyna are the epitome of adventurers and explorers, always choosing one another to be each other’s partner, but never excluding others from the experience as well. They lean on each other, but never doubt each other’s strength.
We’re lucky that they are in our village.
And I am so grateful that we had an evening together this Saturday. Stacie decorated her home with such love and care, setting up the ambiance in a way that made me feel comfort and warmth the moment we stepped in from the cold, rainy day. Sleeping bags and blankets and pillows were set up in front of the TV. So many pretty tea lights. Snacks. Josh and Halyna had already arrived, and I don’t think I’ll ever forget Josh yelling, “Frriieends!”
How could you not feel welcomed with a greeting like that?
The point is, it took time to build these friendships, but it’s not a surprise to me that we can claim them as our friends. It took life experiences that tested whether we would show up when the going got tough, or whether we’d bail. It means something when Cody and I are the couple that lives farther away (i.e. more inconvenient to get to in Chicago traffic), but our friends still travel to come see us and vice versa.
Most importantly, the fact that they have such healthy marriages is a mirror to us about the wellness of our own.
In the context of my marriage and the friendships I share with my husband, we are building a village for our future family.
<Hm.> I’ve never said that before: in the friendships I share with my husband. People aren’t just “my” friends anymore. They have to be cool with the both of us to be my friend. Otherwise, how can it be a true friendship? </Hm.>
We are establishing a community that my future children won’t be able to imagine living without. It’s a blessing we don’t take for granted – but just like a solid marriage, it took time to get here. What’s exciting is that we have met so many other people who aren’t described here, but are just as important to us. I just happen to have this freshest on my mind right now 🙂
If you don’t have these “couple friends” just yet, don’t fret. You should be as “picky” as you are with your actual spouse. They will shape you, mold you, and reflect your truest self right back at you, loving you through it all.
P.S. Thanks to Halyna and Stacie for encouraging me to keep writing, even if it’s not for my novel right now.