Year 6, Week 1: for better and for worse

It’s hard not to worry about the clouds gathering in the distance, wondering if they’ll find their way to you. But what if they did, and you found that you were still okay? Part of the beauty of this season of my life is realizing that, regardless of the circumstances, I’ll be okay. All will be well. The best is yet to come.

Last Sunday, we were celebrating our 6th anniversary in black clothing, enjoying a “small” family gathering in my parents’ backyard (with three older brothers who each have a wife and two kids it’s hard to consider us a “small” family). I was so grateful to have one day to pause the cleaning of our apartment and last-minute storage packing, and emotionally preparing for my grandmother’s wake the next evening and subsequent burial on Tuesday morning.

The hardest Mass I’ve ever had to play and sing for was my Babcia’s funeral Mass. Cody knew it would be, but he chose to sit only a few feet away from me, close enough that I could squeeze his hand when I wasn’t playing.

By Wednesday, I was pretty spent. By Thursday, my sore throat was turning into a stuffy nose, and by Friday, I had lost my voice. It was my fault, really. I had stopped taking vitamins and put my body through a lot of stress (though, all things considered, the stressors had piled up and all that was left was to endure them. I told myself that the rest would come when I arrived in Costa Rica. The time crunch for a Saturday morning flight demands a lot, but add in the time to grieve the matriarch of my family and whew, that’s a tall order.

So it’s a good thing I’m tall.

Anyway. I don’t mean for this to be a list of grievances or complaints or “Why me?”s. All things considered, the last couple weeks have been so ripe with blessings. I’ve really felt my family come together. I’ve felt the support of my husband. We chose to postpone our flight from Tuesday to Saturday (I can’t even imagine flying out on a morning when everyone else was going to be at my grandma’s gravesite), and I was able to hug so many people I love (that I wouldn’t have had an opportunity to see had my grandma not passed).

I’m finally learning and grounding myself in the truth that my emotions and the circumstances that create those emotions (let me put this in a way that our friend Matt said on Friday) “aren’t good or bad – they just are.” And it’s so true.

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster. And treat those two imposters the same…
“If” by Richard Kipling

By the way – this truth comes as a result of A LOT of therapy, reading, and investment in relationships that have been such a solid support and foundation for me. I did NOT have this perspective two years ago. I felt captive to my emotions, and it wasn’t until I learned about cognitive distortions and how to reframe my thinking that I could find my way out. If this is you and you don’t have a therapist yet, what are you waiting for, boo!?

I think the same truth, and approach to the reality that is relationships, goes with marriage. Cody and I have been through some lowwww lows this last year, but our hands somehow still found their way to each other. And, this last weekend, we’ve held hands as we marvel at this life we’re stepping into: it has been a dream for so long that we would live abroad, within nature, by the ocean and mountains, and boom. We’re here. Tamarindo, Guanacaste, Costa Rica. For the next year, we’ll get to explore and wander and wonder and fall more in love with life and each other. And whether we’re experiencing conflict, or loss, or uncertainty, or the bliss of feeling alive, we’ll ride the waves together, treat them all the same, and find peace within ourselves and each other.

Amen.

Year 4: The Ladies Edge

When I don’t feel like it or don’t think I have the energy, I’m going to do the damn thing. Because I can either be okay with the hard choice of disappointing myself, or I can be okay with the hard choice of showing up and doing it anyway. It’s up to me. But I can’t dare complain later when I didn’t show up before. After all, isn’t that what marriage is like some days?

Last year around April, I was invited by one of my good friends Katie to try out The Ladies Edge – a workout program that I was so grateful she found following the tragic death of Brad, her best friend and soon-to-be fiance. I saw how much it was an anchor for her: a place to release the grief and anger and find community and endorphins that would pick her up and carry her on. Though I found different reasons to join, I reap benefits that I had never expected to receive.

Why am I going to talk about a workout program on this WifeReflections blog?

How could I not?

Exercise is obviously good for me, personally, but whoa has it amped up the married life.

I am confident in my skin (yay fitting into clothes better), which lends itself to other activities that make for a happy wife. I’m also pretty sure that Cody finds it attractive that I can be physically stronger than expected with these lanky arms (especially when we were moving all those heavy boxes!).

TLDR?
The program works for me and my marriage. Cody even breaks a sweat with me and has admitted it’s a solid program. I have zero intention of stopping and my body is thanking me for it. It has taught me to make time for myself, my marriage, and my health. All three of these things are necessary for me to feel joy on a daily basis. To NOT make them a priority would be a grave mistake.

We were staying in a shepherd’s hut in Lasswade, Scotland. The wi-fi was strong enough, we had our resistance bands and workout clothes and got it done. We’re not saying y’all are losers with our L hands – it’s just the way we show that we completed the “live” workout the coach posts every Saturday morning.

Want more details? Want to join me, like I took Katie up on her invitation? Read on.

As a teacher and general person trying to succeed, it was stupid hard for me to find a consistent workout routine. I tried Couch to 5k (which was AWESOME and helped me run my first and favorite: Gaza 5k), but it was still basically winter and conditions were not conducive to running without my ears feeling like they were on fire from the bitter wind. Ah, Chicago.

Katie told me about The Ladies Edge (TLE). I tried it, and I fell in love. I’m part of the program more than a year later; in fact, I paid for Lifer status, which basically means I no longer pay monthly. I’m in it for as long as the program will exist because I believe in the mission and the coach. A year later, I’m still working out consistently, still getting sore, and still reaping the benefits of moving my body in ways that surprise even me.

Here are some of the main reasons I’m in this thing for life and why I think I’m one of the hundreds of women who are able to stick with it:

The workouts are only 23 minutes long, 6 days a week. I just cannot make an excuse for not including ONLY 23 minutes of HIIT-like exercise into my daily routine. Although the workout itself does not necessarily “fit” into the recommended 30-minutes/5 days a week suggestion by the American Heart Association, the way I see it, 23 minutes + the time it takes me to go to the copy machine twice a day from my third floor classroom + walking to the train + walking around the classroom = heart healthy. It’s also not beyond me to start holding a plank while students are working on the assigned activity.
The community of women is unlike anything I’ve ever been a part of. I went an all-girls high school, so I know the power when women decide we want to change something, or celebrate something, or fight against something. I also know how disruptive it can be when a group of girls decides to bash the mission without having a reasonable conversation first. There will always be women who don’t feel like they belong and, as a result, disrupt the peace already present.

What I love about TLE is that Michelle Bishop, the coach and founder of TLE, is very adamant about “protecting the house.” There is a zero-tolerance policy of bullying, shaming, or other negative-Nancy decisions.

It’s quite amazing what happens in the Facebook group when women know that their best is expected: no pity parties, no complaining, no bashing another woman for her life’s choices. When something terrible happens, we post about it, but it’s for support – not because we can’t handle it, but because we know we can handle it better with our tribe behind us.
We have women and men from all walks of life — young moms, “Golden Bishes” in their 60s, college kids, supportive husbands, engaged and married women, women who have heartbreakingly buried their babies, men who are secure enough in themselves to take the program and the empowerment of women seriously… I could go on. I am so grateful that there are women who have been pregnant and post-partum in the group, because when it’s my turn, I know I have solid women to turn to if I have questions or if I’m scared or if… the list goes on. The only rule? Hold others accountable and they’ll make sure you’re posting your sweaty selfie, too. It’s incredible what happens when you don’t show up for a few days. Somebody notices!!
I feel better. I have freedom from guilt. Cheat meals don’t exist for me because there’s not a moment I need to “sneak” a cookie or hide a caramel macchiato. I seek balance. I have the cookie, but I also make sure I’m giving my body the fuel it needs to be energized and strong and ready for the next workout. I can do these workouts at any time, but it’s suggested I do one a day. Monday: chest, Tuesday: back, Wednesday: shoulders, Thursday: arms, Friday: legs, Saturday: live (all-body). Waking up at 5:15am every school day was admittedly hard sometimes, but since I met on a Zoom conference link with women across the country getting up as well, it made it much easier!
Perhaps the biggest change I’ve noticed in myself isn’t necessarily the physical: it’s the mental grit. I already had it, but it’s different now. It’s more fine-tuned. I’m gonna write this damn novel because I’m going to keep showing up, just like I do for my workouts. I‘m going to be a damn good teacher because I can do these pushups, so I can plan these wicked awesome lessons. I’m going be a giving wife even when I’m tired because I know it’s worth it.

When I don’t feel like it or don’t think I have the energy, I’m going to do the damn thing. Because I can either be okay with the hard choice of disappointing myself, or I can be okay with the hard choice of showing up and doing it anyway. It’s up to me. But I can’t dare complain later when I didn’t show up before. After all, isn’t that what marriage is like some days?

If you’re still here and would like to try The Ladies Edge FOR FREE, click here. The price of $27/month will go away on June 8, 2019. Get it now!

Year 2, Week 52: The Best “Us” Way to Celebrate

Dear Cody,

It’s been two years since I told you I’d stick by your side no matter what shenanigans befall us – or, more likely, the shenanigans we get ourselves into.

I’ve become a better person by your side, which is the point, I think, of choosing someone to spend so much of your time with. Because of your influence in my daily life, I have become more comfortable being silly,

more sure of my own convictions, more assertive when it comes to making choices that are most healthy for me, and closer to becoming the type of woman who makes moves towards making her dreams a reality (instead of being the type who just talks about them all the time).

Over this past year, I’ve embraced the fact that teasing you back is way more fun than just rolling my eyes. I’ve cherished our long hugs even more than ever before, because it means that my foundation is strongest in your arms. You have helped me see that, despite all the giving and sacrificing I love to do, that relationships need to be two-way streets in order to be healthy for everyone involved.

Watching you ask so many questions invites me to ask my own – a practice that you encourage more than any teacher I’ve ever known.

You helped me write my first book (!!!), getting rid of any doubts I long held about myself, any distractions that might get in the way, and driving me to my super understanding in-laws in Arkansas for Thanksgiving so I could finish writing my self-imposed and community-driven goal of 50,000 words.

And you’ll be there when I print and publish the WifeReflections guided journal and the NaNoWriMo final draft. I fully expect a happy dance and can already feel the joy of that celebration.

The last 24 hours have been the most perfect Ania and Cody way to celebrate our two years as a married couple.

We saw Niagara Falls together, crossing over into the Canadian border and back again, thankful that our spontaneously-planning brains thought of bringing our passports just in case.

Excited that we’re free to roam, but subtly nervous in case the Canadians don’t like us.

Relieved that, not only did the Canadians like us, but that we were able to ride the Hornblower closer to the falls.

Some of my favorite moments are watching Cody truly in awe. I’m so grateful he takes time to enjoy the beauty of the world.

After we got over the fact that the speed limit was now shown in km/hr and I had promised not to get arrested for accidentally breaking the law, we decided to enjoy the ride. Thankfully, you’re the type of person who notices when nature is being extra awesome, so we stopped at the most beautifully-located Lakehouse restaurant overlooking Lake Ontario because, “Ania! Oh my goodness! Look at that! No, seriously, look!”

The double-rainbow was the best indication that we were on the right path.

Beautiful location on Lake Ontario. The best spontaneous “I guess this is where we celebrate our anniversary because we won’t find any better in Chicago” date.

We decided that Lake Ontario looks so gorgeous here because it appears borderless and, therefore, more awesome. Good job, Canada.

Thanks for making me feel pretty even though I didn’t have a chance to get all dolled-up for our dinner.

P.S. I’m also grateful that the prices turned out to be in Canadian dollars, but the fact that you were willing to spend more without complaint to make our experience special says that you are not a total Scrooge as first-year-married-Ania thought. I rescind my prior accu-sumption.

And then we were back in the States this morning, just in time to teach my scheduled piano lessons and let you get back to work by 3pm Central Time.

The fact that I feel so at peace is a testament to our entire year together.

We have grown so much, whether the moves we’ve made have been calculated or they have totally taken us by surprise. I am so grateful that we’re in this together.

You are my favorite travel partner – along any ol’ highway, through a mountain’s long-winding trail, and definitely in this marriage we vowed to protect, nurture, and enjoy.

I will always choose you. Happy 2nd Anniversary. May there be many, many, many more. Like, I want people to be like, “What?! So many years? When did they get married, when they were like, 5?”

I love you,

Ania

Year 2, Weeks 41 and 42: Lessons > Failures

We’re in Poland for two weeks! I realize this is the first time I missed a weekly reflection since we were married, but because of jet-lag and excitement and a lack of desire to be on a computer when beautiful Krakow was an open door away, I feel justified.

The last few weeks have witnessed me writing sub plans so my students will continue learning despite my extended sojourn, editing my first novel in any moment of down-time, and watching Cody interact with my Polish heritage.

It has been so amazing to see my husband totally open to experiencing the places and family that I’ve grown to remember fondly and make new memories with him. My family has laughed so hard with him. He doesn’t let messed-up Polish words mess up his enthusiasm to learn. Everyone knows Polish is ridiculously difficult to learn, so he is admired rather than ridiculed. Truly, the fact that he is earnestly learning the language is seriously flattering my family. My uncle has appreciated how much Cody embraces life and doesn’t let any potential adventure pass him by. And I have especially loved those quiet moments with Cody when there’s no one else around and he tells me how much he loves that I have this chance to reconnect with family from far away. I even think a part of him is beginning to embrace that this is now his family, too.

My aunt: Wow. Cody even helps clear off the table? Ania, you have it good.

Since we haven’t had much down time, what with going from family member to family member in different villages and cities in southwest Poland, my eyes are perpetually open to what’s going on around me. I have a brain tuned in to patterns – maybe it’s a result of studying piano or analyzing poetry – but I can see when things either keep repeating, or notice when they’re missing. SO.

Being able to appreciate what is in front of us, at this very moment, is the key to my true joy.

I’ve noticed which married couples are still flirting, even 40+ years together. They tease each other, are open to laughing at themselves and one another, and slip in compliments every now and then. They thank each other for little things, and praise each other regardless of how silly the situation may seem. You praise that which you want to see more of, right?

I’ve heard my widowed aunt already say she won’t dance at the family wedding this Saturday because she continues to mourn the loss of her true love, even a decade later. It’s this way of life that makes me love even harder now. Holding grudges just is not worth the time.

And I have been in the presence of a marriage so broken, it seems beyond repair.

Where does this leave me and Cody? I feel like this comes up often, but being able to appreciate what is in front of us, at this very moment, is the key to my true joy. In appreciating even the trials and sorrow that meets us on our journey through life, we understand that they, too, are lessons in improving our characters. And the more I travel with my best friend, the more I realize that Cody and I seem to be reminders to others that it’s okay to act like little kids.

Joy, laughter, and gratitude is what has helped us enjoy every day together up to this point. I hope it continues. I think it will.

Even when the snow falls in the spring, you just have to find a way to see the beauty in it. I think that’s how you avoid the shock of an eventual avalanche – you knew you loved what you had before it was taken away.

After eating ice cream in the car and visiting the castle that used to house German nobility, the snow came down quite a bit. It was gorgeous and fun and will be a memory for a lifetime.

Year 2, Week 39: The Dining Room Table

Our dining room table is like everyone else’s – well, anyone else who’s cool with the overall living process and recognizes that random stuff finds its way on the table-top every now and then.

We were able to visit our Arkansas family a week ago for a whirlwind weekend and had a really amazing time reconnecting with everyone we don’t get to see as often as we’d like. We left on a Friday, drove for 11.5 hours, stayed Saturday, Sunday, and were back on our way Monday. No worries – it was definitely worth the drive, and I’d do it again in a heart beat.

But that’s not what this week’s reflection is about.

I particularly remember the sweet silence of entering our Chicago home and reminiscing. And then I remember the surprise – Cody brought up all the stuff on our dining room table (we just kind of threw the stuff down… it was bed time!), and I assumed he was about to complain about the mess we already made. But he didn’t. He said, “Did you see our table? It has all the stuff we love on it. Your manuscript and a pen for editing, my moleskine notebook with work notes I was jotting down, some nice China plates for when we hosted dinner last weekend, the books we’re reading, a picture of Mary and Jesus saying ‘God Bless Our Home’.” He could have kept going, but he didn’t have to.

We took with us – and brought back – our basics: artifacts that represented our love for words, ideas, and people. That means we are becoming the people we imagined we could be, together.

It’s just a snapshot of daily life, but it’s a picture of a life we’re building together. And that’s pretty special.

Year 2, Week 26: We’ll be home for Christmas

We’re officially half-way through our second year of marriage! This year, we figured out to see both families on the days where presence matters the most.

Christmas becomes more special every year. I realize more and more that what I have in my life cannot be taken for granted. I can be upset with circumstances and unhappy with people’s decisions, but ultimately I have a roof over my head, a warm place to dry my hat and gloves, and a heart that beats.

I am so aware of those people who are lonely, grieving, or sick at this time of the year. I’m also cognizant of those who have everything they’ve ever wanted and still don’t feel the joy of family and the warmth of a loving home. I recognize that what I’ve lived in the past 48 hours is nothing short of a Christmas miracle. It’s what I prayed for when Cody and I were long distance. It makes me want to slap 19 year-old Ania on the wrist and say, “See? We made it work. Now stop your sniffling.”

In my Polish family, Wigilia is celebrated every Christmas Eve, so it’s a given that I will spend every December 24th for the foreseeable future in Chicago. Cody, however, has Christmas Day traditions that I really do not want him (or me!) to miss. I usually flew down to Arkansas on Christmas morning, but Southwest Airlines didn’t offer a non-stop flight this year, and every other airline was making sure anyone who wanted to travel this Christmas wouldn’t have money left over for any presents.

At 1:30 a.m., right after Midnight Mass (during which I played and sang at church) we hopped in the car and made our way to central Arkansas. Cody and I switched as the drivers when one would get tired. He took the hard hours of 2 through 5am and then I took the early hours of the morning until the sun came up a little after 7. It was so cool to drive with no one on the road, embracing the “Silent Night, Holy Night” part of Christmas. The drive went by pretty quickly, and we spent the last couple hours talking about whatever we talked about.

I’m convinced that every couple needs to take a long(er) trip before they get married. If your silences aren’t (too) awkward and you find you’re not running out of things to talk about, the person next to you should stick around.

It has meant so much to me that we were able to spend both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with those we love the most. It is special and I almost feel spoiled for having the opportunity to experience the overwhelming love of two families that Cody and I get to call our own.

On the drive over, as I’m thinking all these things and singing out loud “I’ll be home for Christmas…” my heart just about burst when Cody patted my knee and smiled at me, saying, “I already am.”

Santa’s elves found their way to Arkansas, Rudolph’s red nose replaced by a bright red Toyota.

Year 2, Week 7: Long distance… again?

This found poem, created by Austin Kleon, was my gift to Cody in honor of our first wedding anniversary. It’s nothing too fancy: a piece of paper housed in a simple black frame. This poem best describes my perception of marriage as a safety from never having to do long distance ever again (if you’re in the same bathroom, you’re not exactly counting down the days until the next time you get see each other!). In fact, one of my favorite things ever about marriage is the sense of security I feel when I realize my best friend won’t leave my side – he promised that much. And the man keeps his promises.

So what is this feeling I get when Cody walks in the house after a long day at work and, with a grin, tells me about his plan to apply for an opportunity that gets his blood flowing in all the right places? He can work for his current company and learn something new somewhere else.

Yes! Go for it, baby! I have no doubt they’ll see your value and accept you right on the spot. You’ve been waiting a while to have this feeling pulling you towards something so strongly. Embrace it.

Where are they located again? I asked. Sorry, I may have missed it when you said it earlier.

…Mexico?

Hm. Well.
I support you, no matter what. You know that.

But isn’t marriage not leaving?
I guess 2 months isn’t that long; military couples are apart for way longer. This could be so good for him!
I’ll be fine; I’ve been finding ways to entertain myself since 1992.

But I thought this long distance thing was done.
But I did get to travel in Spain for a month and then go to Montana on my own, too… He should have the same freedom!

Will we be apart for Thanksgiving? Or his birthday? Or my birthday?
Grr.
Obviously I need to let him go and be 150% supportive,
but it’s hard being supportive.

I thought marriage meant not leaving.
But two individuals following their passions is more important than two individuals squandering their desires simply to be standing in the same bathroom at the same time, flossing miserably.

I suppose he can watch me brush my teeth via Skype. It’s not like we haven’t done it before.

Year 2, Week 6: Better Together

My husband has always loved water; maybe all the ponds, lakes, rivers, and oceans he’s fallen in love with are all reflected in the blue eyes with which he shows his love for me (yeah, yeah, okay, too corny, even for me). In all seriousness though, the sight of water really does calm Cody, massaging his soul more than music, exercise, and even reading.

For me, an equivalent escape has always been found amidst mountains. It’s hard to explain the feeling I get the moment I see a change in topography from my Midwestern plains to a lift in the land. I am filled with anticipation and quiet expectation – what will I learn about myself here? What will be revealed while I’m here? Where do I need to feel small in my life again? What will I finally embrace about myself? To find myself in the mountains is to be reminded that life is a gift to be treasured and used wisely – It is the realization that I am actually very small.

Cody’s escape is water; mine is the mountain air. Er, that’s how it usually was, anyway.

Cody has been to many incredible mountain ranges already, but I felt particularly honored when I was able to watch him fall in love with the mountains like I had a decade before. I will never forget how much joy was radiating from my husband when we had gone as close to Long’s Peak in the Rocky Mountains as we physically could as a group.

Cody pointing out the snow over yonder. Look at that big ol’ smile!

The boy could have done fifty cartwheels and not tire. His pure joy was shining – the boy was a happy human and I was excited to see him so happy.So fast forward to this last weekend when we were at the lake. I had an incredible time, and Cody noticed how much I was enjoying myself

by frequently commenting how much he loves “Summer Ania”, telling me “[I] should keep her around” even when I have to start teaching in a couple weeks again.

I was sad to leave when the sun went down, but my heart was soaring on the car ride back home. Cody could probably feel it because he broke our thoughtful silence:

“You know what’s funny? How you felt today is how I felt when I was in the mountains. And mountains are usually your thing and water is usually mine.”

I thought about his observation and added, “You had your best friends in the mountains and, today, I was with one of my closest friends by the water. Maybe it doesn’t matter so much where you are but rather who you’re with.”

And, honestly, even though we’ve had wonderful opportunities to travel so much this year, the biggest reason they’ve been so extraordinary is because we’re seeing these places together. We’re hiking the same paths, “ooh”ing at the same sights, and reminiscing about the same memories when we’re lounging on our living room floor months after we’ve returned.

Even when we’re home, however, we’re seeking those same memories to make with people who are important to us: friends that have become family and, on the opposite side of the spectrum, those we’ve met that we hope become good friends.

At the end of the day, Cody and I are building our very own village:
even though life is being kind today, who will be by our side when life becomes difficult tomorrow? Who will help us raise our children into good people? Who laughs at the same things we do, and cares about the world in the same capacity? And – most importantly – who will help us be our best selves so that our marriage continues to be a refuge where we don’t feel the need to escape anymore?

Year 2, Week 5: Family Comes First

We should be in Puerto Rico right now. But we’re not. And that’s completely okay with us. Let me explain.

One of my very best friends was gearing up to graduate with her Master’s Degree in July AND simultaneously celebrating her acceptance into a Ph.D. program (for which she weathered many obstacles and worked exceptionally hard). I try to support my friends’ decisions as much as I can and am very vocal in celebrating just about any success they experience. This time was no different. I asked Cody how he would feel about taking the celebration to Puerto Rico, giving my friend the round-trip plane tickets as a gift (for the next 5 Christmases and birthdays, too) for her amazing work. He agreed!

So we bought the tickets, gave her the news, and were really excited for the prospect of scuba diving along the shores of PR and finding days that he’d be able to work remotely while still enjoying our time there. That fun stopped to a grinding halt, however, when I read on the news that Zika was in Puerto Rico and great care should be taken while traveling there.

Cody and I want to be parents one day. We believe we can be good parents who raise good people. So to read that Zika – a virus that could severely harm my baby – was alive and well in PR, there was hardly any discussion as to whether we should still fly to our planned destination. I would regret it so much if anything happened as a result of our travels there. We made a decision as parents, already, that we would take every precaution to protect our baby. We canceled the plane tickets and gave my friend (who took the canceled trip with extraordinary grace and understanding that I will always remember, admire, and respect) the reasons for the cancelation.

After beating myself up for a little while for not planning better before I got everyone’s hopes up, I decided to channel that energy into planning a trip to Arkansas instead (I told you in last week’s that it was going to be time to visit soon – life just made it happen a little sooner).

I am so grateful that we rode the wave instead of getting mad at the choppy waters. My friend was a wonderful example of grace, and I truly believe her selfless support of my decision for my future babies has cemented our friendship for posterity. Cody’s quick agreement made it easier on me, too.

We saw the choice in front of us: go to Puerto Rico, or not. We chose that the health of our family is way more important a trip we have been saving up for. We chose to use that time to visit our family in Arkansas, who we were were going to visit anyway, but decided it was smarter to do it sooner (especially since Cody’s grandpa had emergency heart surgery last week! We got to visit him and have a really nice time together.)

Instead of getting mad that life wasn’t going exactly according to plan, we chose to enjoy the ride anyway. In this case, the choice was very clear: Family always always always comes first.

You can't prepare for the gusts of wind, but you can choose whether you'll grumble or laugh. You can see which we prefer. — You can’t prepare for the gusts of wind, but you can choose whether you’ll grumble or laugh. You can see which we prefer.

Year 2, Week 3: Meeting in the Middle

Little did I realize that, when I successfully resolved one long-distance relationship by helping Cody move to Chicago from Philadelphia, I was actually adding an entire community of long-distance relationships to my life.

Since Cody’s family lives in Arkansas, we’re essentially in a long distance relationship with my in-laws and, although some women are muttering “Be thankful for the distance!” I can’t even say I’m grateful for that. I adore my in-laws and see them as an integral part of my own family. It really stinks that we can’t just come over on a Sunday afternoon, have some delicious food, play some board games with our grandparents, swim in their big, beautiful pool, and drive back refreshed, re-energized, and ready for the new week ahead. Instead, I’m perpetually on the look-out for at-least five day weekends so that if we decide to make the ~14 hour drive, we can at least spend a solid three days there.

I'd start walking your way/ You'd start walking mine/ We'd meet in the middle.../ We'd gain a lot of ground/ 'Cause we'd both give a little/ There ain't no road too long/ When we meet in the middle" — “I’d start walking your way/
You’d start walking mine/
We’d meet in the middle…/
We’d gain a lot of ground/
‘Cause we’d both give a little/
There ain’t no road too long/
When we meet in the middle” – “Meet in the Middle” by Diamond Rio

I’m embarrassed to admit how long it took me to realize that there is an alternative. I remember when I was wedding planning one day and realized that we did not need to plan for “only-Arkansas” trips anymore… we could meet in the middle! I immediately called Cody’s mom and asked her what she thought of meeting half-way between our cities of residence. It would mean six hour drives, but six hours is preferable to fourteen – right? Thankfully, she agreed, and we had our first “Meet in the Middle” trip in St. Louis a few months ago. We had our second trip this last weekend, in Cape Girardeau!

This was the song Cody and I would listen to while we were long-distance, dreaming about the day we’d be able to enjoy the fact that we’re close enough to easily walk to each other.

It was wonderful to spend time with the set of parents we don’t get to see as often, and I have to admit that even when we left on Sunday after a full day and half together (you take what you can get when you’re long-distance, no matter what), I still felt pretty sad. Even though we’ve tried out this half-way way of doing things, we’re still not able to have the experiences spent with Cody’s more extended family, especially his grandparents. We really miss them!

So as much as we love the shorter commute time, I think it’s time to just “bite the bullet” as they say and take the longer drive to see our Nana, Pa, PawPaw and MawMaw.

Like Tim McGraw says in his song Humble and Kind, “Visit grandpa every chance that you get – it won’t be wasted time.”