Wife Reflections

Year 2, Week 32: “WOW!”

Cody and I were at my parents’ house sometime before we got marriage, eating the breakfast my mom made for us, and she was still adding more items to the smorgasbord. As she stirred veggies in a pan for omelettes and folded deli meats and cheeses, my dad was getting dressed in their adjacent bedroom and telling her a story in between grunts and pauses (the man’s pants seem to shrink of their own accord, he claims). I couldn’t help but notice that my mom was not only kind of listening to Dad, but also preparing breakfast and also unsuccessfully eavesdropping on my own quiet Sunday-morning conversations with Cody over the funny pages. When Dad’s story seemed to come to a conclusion, like the movement of a song finding its resting beat, my mom gave an over-zealous “Woow..”

Cody and I started laughing immediately. We still don’t know if it was the effort she was trying to put in, signaling to Dad that she actually was listening and trying to engage with his story, or the fact that the response was so ingenuous it was laughable. Whatever it was, Mom knew she was caught and let herself be caught in giggles. We didn’t know it at the time, but these “Woow” conversations are quite normal in marriage. For my dad, they’ve been happening for 40 years. For me and Cody, we’re trying to figure out which topics we can get away with responding “Whoaa” to, and which ones we need to be serious for (as-it should go without saying- a serious topic needs a serious listening ear).

Rather than bore you with which conversation topics those “Whoaa” responses are common for us as a couple (I suppose if you really want to know, you can just ask – I honestly don’t know if you’d be interested or not), I thought this Big Bang Theory clip was spot-on. Enjoy!

Year 2, Week 31: Uncomfortable Conversations

There are so many quotes online about love and relationships, and they usually sound nice and uplifting, but I keep scrolling and move on with my day. I finally stumbled upon one, though, that I thought was right-on and thought it was important to share:

I am willing to claim that uncomfortable conversations are at the heart of every growing relationship. When each person is in the same place in life, conversations are easy; in truth, they’re probably so easy because they’re not quite deeper than discussing one’s likes, dislikes, and past formative events. It gets more challenging when factors beyond one’s control begin entering the equation – a new job, or an opportunity that is located in another city, or a new personality that’s entered the mix that threatens to destroy the dynamic you had grown accustomed to. Regardless of the circumstance, a relationship will always feel like there’s resistance – like there is something “in the way” of it becoming just perfect, or whole, or magical.

It is never whole, perfect, or magical.

It is only your perspective that can make it appear so. Therein lies the magic.

The secret? Remain committed to your person despite the hardest conversation. And, if you don’t have a “your person” yet, stay on the look-out for the type of person you wouldn’t mind having difficult conversations with. The only way to know if that person will be “yours” is if you can have a disagreement, talk it out, and feel like you love him/her more than before.

If it seems simple, that’s because it is. It’s really only the commitment that needs to be tried. Like a wise student told me the other day: “The quality of a relationship depends only on the effort put in.”

Potential difficult conversation topics no one told you to expect during marriage (these could be from experience, or not):
– Who actually pays for the wedding
– What if your vision of your wedding day looks totally different from your future husband’s?
– So we have a joint budget now? No? Yes? Does that mean I can still spend my money how I want? No?
– Wait, so we’re not having a dinner date night every weekend? But I heard it’s important!
– Do we celebrate Valentine’s Day?
– How would you like your birthday celebrated? No, really.
– Why are you actually a slob?
– Family. All the topics and sub-topics and even more you never saw coming.
– When do you want a baby?**
– Do you believe in God?
– Do you believe in unconditional love?
– How much time do we actually want to spend together after work? Do you need more wind-down alone time than I do?
– Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
– What’s your dream? Do our dreams match? Again, the scary part here is that dreams, just like non-negotiables, can change.
– How many times a week do we want home-cooked meals? Who’s going to cook them?
– Wait, what kind of school do you want our kids to go to?
– I’ll add more over time, I’m sure.

**It’s important to note here that before you accept (or propose) a marriage commitment, there are some fundamentals that definitely need to be discussed (not agreed upon, necessarily, but definitely come to a mutual understanding and respect for one another’s views), like whether or not you want kids, how important family really is to you, religious values, etc.

My point is – every couple will have different unforeseen challenges ahead. The goal is to find the person who will want to hear your ideas, feel safe enough to contribute his own, and ultimately see you at the end of the equation, regardless of the method you take to get there.

Year 2, Week 30: I’m not leaving you!

Last night, right before I was going to leave the house for the evening, I slipped my rings off my finger and placed them on top of our chest of drawers. I called to Cody reassuringly, “I’m not leaving you!”

He believed me. At this point, it’s become a kind of joke. I keep my rings safe from the volleyball pick-up games I play every Wednesday night or, sometimes, I slip my rings off because my skin begins to crack from the dry winter weather.

It seems like a simple thing, I know, but there’s a world of meaning in that interaction. Let me explain.

What if we had had a bad day -fighting and arguing and assuming the worst in each other- and I had just left my rings there and huffed off to volleyball? If I never reassured him of my vow, the removal of my rings would signal something that could be misconstrued as “I’m threatening you. I’m punishing you for making me feel this way. I hope you feel afraid to lose me.”

From what I hear, people choose this route quite often. I have yet to hear whether this is an effective strategy or not. As for me and Cody, we decided long ago not to play those games. They’re not constructive for our relationship.

In fact, I’ve noticed that, when I really needed to take my rings off one night (because my hands needed some quality lotion time) – after we really had argued – he didn’t jump to conclusions. I’m not sure he even noticed. If he had, though, he’d understand that I wasn’t sending him subliminal messages that I wanted to exit the relationship. Instead, I hope he would have the opposite reaction: even though I’m upset, I promise I’m still be here for you.. I just don’t feel like cuddling right now.

The way I see it, the rings – though left behind – remind him where my heart belongs. I can be a boss at volleyball in the meantime.

Year 2, Week 29: What a Bizarre Week.

Guys. Self-examination is exhausting. Necessary, but exhausting. I envy those people who are able to act without considering the consequences (and now, because I swear my thoughtfulness is my fatal flaw, I need to make it clear that I’m not referring to anyone in particular here; just people, out there somewhere. The U.S. has been really great at this lately, so you know what I mean).

I’ve been really hard on myself this week. I have been second-guessing every choice, every word, every action that may be misconstrued, misunderstood, or mistaken as something offensive or damaging. Instead of sharing my ideas clearly and thoughtfully, I hesitated this week, wondering whether my words will actually help clear the air, or make them even worse. To be totally honest, because I’ve never had this problem before, it’s been really awful.

My character dictates that I focus on being so kind as a sort of preventative maintenance to any altercation. It’s why I’m so bad at confrontations. I avoid them at all costs, like Janie Crawford in the beginning of Their Eyes Were Watching God. But to consider every implication of my actions? I can’t do it. Who, pray tell, can?

At the end of 3rd grade, we received personal certificates specially decided by our teacher. While others’ certificates read “Good Reader” or “Great Speller,” my certificate was awarded to me for “Remembering that No One is Perfect.”

Thanks, Ms. Slater. <3

Regardless, I have wondered why trying to be a good, thoughtful, caring person this week has been so hard. It feels futile, weak, and down-right depressing. In fact, it feels like good is the opposite of what’s accepted as the norm. What the heck is going on? [I have a theory that it’s a combination of the political climate and the drabby weather outside, but this isn’t a space for solutions – just reflection. (Because apparently I haven’t had enough of it.)]

But I try anyway. My only defense is that, maybe, someone will see my example and be less of a jerk to the next person. I have absolutely no way of knowing this for certain, but it’s enough to put that stupid smile on my face, as wary as it is to be there.

As thorny as this week has felt, the largest rose has blossomed on the bush. If I didn’t keep getting pricked with thorns this week, I would not have had a chance to feel the comforting support of my husband. It’s true. When my hands feel cold and clammy, his warmth is enough to remind me that life is still good. When I doubt my inherent goodness and worth, he shakes his head sadly, like he hadn’t done his job well enough as a husband. Like, if he had been doing his job well enough, then I wouldn’t be sitting here like a dejected puppy. That’s how good he is.

But we’re not perfect. And we’re constantly trying to find ways to improve ourselves. Turns out that, this week, we weren’t focusing on improvement.

We were being forced to focus on what we already have: a marriage that, when we doubt everything about ourselves, there’s a person who says, “No. Stop. You are enough. You are good. I love You.” And he says it in such a way that I don’t have to second-guess him.

Duh, a little voice winks, he married you. Of course he means it.

And then I don’t doubt it at all.

How bizarre.

Year 2, Week 28: “Is ‘I want to get married’ good enough?”

As an English teacher, I feel like I get a bad rap for only being an expert on grammar. “Oh man,” people say. “Now I have to watch my words.” But I see my role as more than a grammar junkie or poetry buff (does such a person exist?). I try to be the English teacher that not only corrects misuse of “further and farther” or “well and good” but also one who inspires the love of language – words, rhetoric, literature, and everything in between. I love sharing both characters who have a backbone and those who learn how to stand up for themselves. Mostly, though, I love that literature allows me to discuss life and human nature within my classroom.

This week, I thought the New Year would be a good time to discuss humans’ search of progress and achievement, especially in context of new year’s resolutions. I decided to go bigger, however, and have my 9th graders imagine the rest of their lives. I assigned my students to create a Bucket List that would include all their dreams – anything they’d like to experience before they “kick the bucket.” I remember being full of dreams when I was a teenager, but I was also fortunate enough to have people in my village who encouraged me to dream big – or at least didn’t squash my ideas when I would bashfully bring them up at the dinner table. What if my students don’t have anyone in their corner telling them it’s okay to look beyond their neighborhood? I should be that person, I tell myself. And so I do not qualify the items on their list – I just listen and learn more about what my students want for themselves. It’s one of my favorite assignments of the year.

One day this week, a student perked her head up in attention and, without waiting for me to call on her, raised her hand, blurting out, “Is ‘getting married’ good enough?” I didn’t even have to ask her what she meant.

It was in her tone, and the way she furrowed her brow yearning for validation. She needed to know that her romantic wish was not less than her peers’ desires to travel the world and go to Coachella. My immediate reaction was to run over to her, hug her and tell her that the squeeze in her heart when she sees enamored couples kissing isn’t stupid.

I wanted to promise her in a rush that, if she just tries to love herself first, that the love she hopes to experience will eventually find her and wrap her up. I didn’t do that, though.

Instead, I grinned and said, “Well, I can’t exactly knock it. I’m married and have been having a good time.” The girls laughed in response, but I pressed, “But in all seriousness, with the right person, I think marriage is one of the most beautiful parts of life.”

If I had the time and space to continue, I would have continued. So here’s my delayed response to that student who wondered if her desire to marry someone was “good enough” to be one of her greatest goals.

Yes, my girl, the desire to be loved is a worthy desire. It is one that many don’t speak of, for fear of being called “weak” or “needy.” I, too, fought this desire – why should I be “bogged down” in a relationship when everyone else around me is going from guy to guy to guy? Shouldn’t I want that? Why don’t I want that?

It took me a long time to realize that I wasn’t broken for wanting the consistency and security of one, steady, loving partner.

The real question is, I think, do you think you are “good enough” to be part of a partnership so beautiful that you can be both completely lost in it, and still more sure of yourself than almost anywhere else in life?

Are you ready to be surprised on a daily basis of both how much you know about this one human being – and also how much you have left to learn?

Are you willing to wrestle with ideas of independence and co-dependence and how you’re going to communicate your ‘non-negotiable’s and which issues you’ll be willing to compromise on? When you figure it out, congratulate yourself, but don’t go complacent! Just as you are ever-growing, so too will your standards.

Do you want to spend time on preventative maintenance? It’s much easier to discuss what could potentially go wrong and communicate expectations than it is to apologize profusely for hurting the person you promised you’d always care for. Sound like a big job? It is.

Do you understand the difference between a spat, a bicker, and a fight? In my experience, spats are funny; bickers usually reveal something very important and demand an apology; and fights are flames that could have been calmed in the bicker stage. You have to be attentive to your partner’s life – one antennae always pointed towards someone else – not always expecting him (or her) to revolve around you. True love is sacrificial, but it shouldn’t make you miserable. Your partner should fill up your cup just as you fill his (or hers).

Can you handle the overwhelming grace of your partner’s presence in your life after the Worst Day(s) ever? You know, the fact that you were a real pain in the you-know-what and don’t “deserve” love, but this person is hugging you and loving on you anyway? It’s such a beautiful gift. If our Creator loves us as much as people says He (or She) does, then get ready for pure heaven on earth.

So yes. Wanting to be married is “good enough” – as long as you and your partner to continue pouring ‘enough good’ into each other’s cups.

P.S. Just so you know, sometimes you totally miss the cup. But we can talk about that later.

Year 2, Week 27: I found It

I love seeing love celebrated, especially when it’s so present among relationships right in front of you. Cody and I brought in the new year in such a special way, witnessing our best friends vow their lives to each other (as if they had not already spent the previous 10 years of their relationship doing so, but the title does, at the end of the day, make a difference.)

As the bride’s sister said so eloquently during her Maid of Honor speech last night, the couple, Josh and Halyna, are so inspiring because they always look like they’re having the time of their lives – it’s the love between them and the love they share with those around them that makes life an adventure worth embarking on. And they’re some of the best c0-captains I’ve ever seen.

I spent some of the day trying to remember what details and memories I remembered from our wedding day, but I quickly found that, apart from hearing the song I walked down the aisle to, there really were not many times that I was crying tears of joy because of my own wedding day memories – they were all spent in witness of these two human beings, who have been nothing but kind and full of love and laughter towards us since we began spending time with them.

What really touched my heart was what I noticed when I finally took a break from the dance floor.

There was an upbeat song playing, my husband was being entertaining and goofy (EASILY the most comfortable I have EVER seen him in a social setting, EVER), and I was lounging on one of the couches, sipping cool water, observing the couples in front of me.

What I have is not as rare and unattainable as I would have thought.

First, I appreciated the fashion sense of those in attendance; people clean up so well when they want to show A New Year how they want to be treated (with style, elegance, and lots of fun). Next, I lifted my glass to the DJ, a master at seamless transitions and the one responsible for my burning legs and dirty bare feet. He didn’t seem to notice, but I didn’t mind. Finally, my eyes opened to the spectacle before me. [Pardon me for being ambiguous, but it was one of those moments that, if you’re not looking for It (whatever It is), you will totally miss It.] Luckily, I didn’t miss anything. My eyes drank it all in – the women in love with their partners, hair flying around, saucers that have no intention of landing, a radius of rhythm and simultaneous grace, and the men, who jumped around their dates, doing any silly/crazy/goofy move that would make her laugh even harder. I couldn’t help but giggle at all of the antics. It felt like I was cheating, getting a sneak peek into many strong relationships at once. The connections were so palpable and strong.

The majority of the dancing couples are married. But it was one of the most significant times of my marriage that I realized that what I have is not as rare and unattainable as I would have thought. Cody and I were one of the youngest couples there, to be sure, but the quality of our relationship seems to be on par with those who have been together for many years longer. What I absolutely adored was that each and every couple (easily 7 or 8, from my vantage point) looked like they were having the time of their lives. It’s like Josh and Halyna, throughout their relationship, have been finding couples that reflect not only who they are as a couple, but who they want to be, too. It was a humbling experience to be one of those couples. Again – it can never be taken for granted, for it can be gone in the next heart beat. Live through a relationship like that, and you’ll be certain not to hold a grudge for too long. But I digress.

I was validated in all this sentimentality when the groom’s super sweet Midwestern Mom asked me if I noticed something about the couples in the room. I nodded, with a huge smile on my face, and I affirmed, “Yeah, the connections are so strong, and real, aren’t they?” Her eyes just sparkled (Moms are so beautiful when the love they have for their families is so sacrificial and strong and true, aren’t they?). She smiled back and said, “Yes, there was a lot of love in this room. It was something really special.”

To be in the midst of that love -and enjoy such a part in that celebration – is a true blessing to me, and Cody, as we ring in this new year. I’m not sure what it holds for us, but I do know I will continue to be as recklessly hopeful and annoyingly optimistic as I am now. It occurs to me that the joy that is meant to be in the world cannot be felt if we are not open to it. So like I said to another amazing friend who asked me last night how I could be so optimistic, “You have to choose to be grateful. And always keep perspective. That’s what Cody is here for. He keeps showing me what didn’t go wrong.”

May we embrace this new year with eyes wide open, so that we can clearly, wholly, and with all ridiculously optimistic faith, find our It.

Year 2, Week 26: We’ll be home for Christmas

We’re officially half-way through our second year of marriage! This year, we figured out to see both families on the days where presence matters the most.

Christmas becomes more special every year. I realize more and more that what I have in my life cannot be taken for granted. I can be upset with circumstances and unhappy with people’s decisions, but ultimately I have a roof over my head, a warm place to dry my hat and gloves, and a heart that beats.

I am so aware of those people who are lonely, grieving, or sick at this time of the year. I’m also cognizant of those who have everything they’ve ever wanted and still don’t feel the joy of family and the warmth of a loving home. I recognize that what I’ve lived in the past 48 hours is nothing short of a Christmas miracle. It’s what I prayed for when Cody and I were long distance. It makes me want to slap 19 year-old Ania on the wrist and say, “See? We made it work. Now stop your sniffling.”

In my Polish family, Wigilia is celebrated every Christmas Eve, so it’s a given that I will spend every December 24th for the foreseeable future in Chicago. Cody, however, has Christmas Day traditions that I really do not want him (or me!) to miss. I usually flew down to Arkansas on Christmas morning, but Southwest Airlines didn’t offer a non-stop flight this year, and every other airline was making sure anyone who wanted to travel this Christmas wouldn’t have money left over for any presents.

At 1:30 a.m., right after Midnight Mass (during which I played and sang at church) we hopped in the car and made our way to central Arkansas. Cody and I switched as the drivers when one would get tired. He took the hard hours of 2 through 5am and then I took the early hours of the morning until the sun came up a little after 7. It was so cool to drive with no one on the road, embracing the “Silent Night, Holy Night” part of Christmas. The drive went by pretty quickly, and we spent the last couple hours talking about whatever we talked about.

I’m convinced that every couple needs to take a long(er) trip before they get married. If your silences aren’t (too) awkward and you find you’re not running out of things to talk about, the person next to you should stick around.

It has meant so much to me that we were able to spend both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with those we love the most. It is special and I almost feel spoiled for having the opportunity to experience the overwhelming love of two families that Cody and I get to call our own.

On the drive over, as I’m thinking all these things and singing out loud “I’ll be home for Christmas…” my heart just about burst when Cody patted my knee and smiled at me, saying, “I already am.”

Santa’s elves found their way to Arkansas, Rudolph’s red nose replaced by a bright red Toyota.

Year 2, Week 25.5: Work Ethic, for the Record.

While I was half-way through my evaluations of 100+ student writing assessments, I could feel his two blue eyes boring into mine. As if his beckoned mine to attention, I felt my eyebrows begin a dance of surprise, and then suspicion.

“What’s up?” I asked tentatively.
“Nothing. I’m just loving you.”

Who says that? And why does it make me so awkward? All the romance novels I’ve read get this all wrong. It’s like his marriage proposal all over again. When he didn’t laugh at my joke, I realized it was for real. Cue butterflies and sweaty palms.

“..Okayy.. That’s really sweet, but I’m not really doing anything worthy of such an outpouring at the moment.” (God’s grace, anyone? Receiving love when you feel you didn’t do anything to earn it?)

He just kept looking and smiling. He eventually walked away and I felt like I could breathe again. If I had only been drinking red wine at the time, maybe I would have been a bit more suave in my reception of his affection? I don’t want him to feel like it’s not appreciated and dissuade such a courtship.

And then this happened again the next day! But this time, as I was into my 17th essay of the day with bedtime approaching, he had something to say, which I can work with.

“You work really hard.”

It meant a lot to hear him say that. I had been grading so many essays in such a short amount of time, that to hear him acknowledge it seemed to give me even more energy to finish. With a grin, I agreed with him, and affirmed, “Yeah, we do work really hard. I don’t think we’d be together if we didn’t have the work ethic we do.” Future Cody and Ania, I hope you remember that praise goes way further than criticism, especially when babies come into the mix.

Real talk for a second though – I’m also secretly starting to get a little nervous. This whole work ethic/working a lot thing hasn’t just been going on in my own life – he has been getting interrupted sleep himself, having to check for code bugs at midnight.. 3am.. 5am.. It’s been cute to hear him figure out ways to stay in bed but also keep the bright light of broken code away from my sleeping eyes. I also know, however, that the boy is human and the boy needs sleep. SO between the two of us working longer hours than normal, this Christmas will be a very welcome break. This may sound facetious, but I do not want to feel like the computer, or work, or our individual pursuits, are coming between us. But this is what we do – we work our asses off in the winter, hustling among 6 different jobs (between the 2 of us) – so that we can buy plane tickets to explore the world. We climb the mountains with 60 lbs packs up the last 1,000 ft. so that we can enjoy the panoramas together. It’s exhausting, but ultimately worth it.

And, Jesus, it now occurs to me that if I replace “computer” with “future baby,” this sounds like a foreshadowing of what’s to come in a couple years. What’s an added 20 lbs of smiles and poop and cuddles? We can do that.

I want to finish with this.

Let the record state that, in this week of our marriage, Cody did say the following words:

“You know, it’s actually a good thing that I can still function and wake up at weird hours of the night. A baby will need that. I can be that.”

Yes, you surely can be, Cody, baby. 😉

Year 2, Week 24: Thanks, Daddy

This last weekend in Chicago ushered in our first snowfalls and the freezing temperatures. I had to work early on Sunday morning to play at Mass, so the snow was still freshly fallen on the relatively short distance (~2 blocks) between my parents’ house and the church. I was prepared to walk the way (nothing like shock to your lungs to wake someone up for singing). When I drove up to my parents’ house, Dad was already out shoveling the back walk-way. After some exchanged pleasantries, Dad casually asked if I was going to walk or drive to church; I didn’t really think anything of it when I told him I’d be walking. I went inside the house to wrap my fingers around a warm cup of tea. Even though I just left from my home, there’s nothing quite like coming home to Mom and Dad’s. I think even their lemons make the tea sweeter.

When I walked out of the house, Dad smiled and said, “Well, that’s the best I could do with my back.” When I looked, I wanted to throw my arms around him and tell him how amazing he was, but we’re European and have a hard time saying “I love you” so I just thanked him and told him I’d see him later.

The man had shoveled a straight path as far as the eye could see from our house to the church, so that my feet could have a clear way to Jesus.

And now tell me again that my expectations for my husband may be too high? It’s my dad who gave them to me. He has been my first (and, in many cases, only) example of what it means to be treated with dignity, respect, and worth – as if I’m worth a cleared path on a cold Sunday morning when he should definitely be sleeping in instead. But, thanks to my dad, I feel like I am.

So when Cody went outside to shovel without any prompting from me, I knew the adage is true – A girl finds a man who reminds her of her father. And what’s so exciting for me is that Cody only shows glimmers of what he could be – what I know he will be – and that’s pretty darn remarkable.

Year 2, Week 23: You do you, baby.

Dear Cody,

I loved being a witness of your life this weekend. We were able to visit Philadelphia, the city that saw you learn what it’s like to live in the “big city” away from your small town in Arkansas. You are social, so you didn’t have an issue making friends. But it was your involvement in the Drexel Smart House that really helped you become who you are – a loyal leader, an incredible thinker, a good friend.

We started dating when you assumed the role of President in this organization that hopes to create an example of sustainable living for others. We spent hours on Skype not really talking, just typing away – me, at my AP U.S. History homework, and you discussing with your best friend Patrick your latest “politicking” plan to get your ideas in front of the University’s President (because that’s the person you are: Go straight to the top.. sheep skin just isn’t your style). I swear there’s nothing more attractive than a man who goes after what he wants, but makes sure he is being kind, ethical, and overall gracious on his way there. There’s also nothing like seeing you when you’re in your element, leading a community of thinkers towards a common goal (and challenging them to imagine even bigger goals while they’re at it). The way you infuse your humor into intelligence is also quite wonderful. I roll my eyes, but you and I both know I secretly adore you for it. Life would be so boring without you.

So when you were back in your element, laughing hard with friends who are quickly becoming some of my best, I couldn’t help but realize how badly I want your eyes to shine just as brightly when you’re home in Chicago, too. This trip was the first time I heard one of your beloved mentors, Joan, admit how upset she (and many others were) when they heard of your decision to leave Pennsylvania for a girl. You know I’ve often felt guilty for taking you away from Arkansas in case you wanted to be with your family, and I have struggled with not feeling guilty for taking you away from your friends, too.

Not difficult to imagine why Cody’s mentor, Joan, had a hard time letting him go to Chicago, is it?

But then I realized listening to you talk about your own childhood desires this morning on our way to work that it’s not “taking you away” from something as much as it is a “running towards” a life with me in it. And boy, do I feel lucky.

I suppose the point of this random love letter is that I had a chance to really see you this weekend. And what I saw especially was how your eyes danced when you were back in that place of leadership, where the memory of crashing high-profile meetings as a student is not actually that far away.

But I think it’s time for you to make new memories. Take bigger risks. Keep dreaming. Solidify those relationships and build a team of mentors, colleagues, and friends that will get you through the valleys and celebrate with you when you reach those peaks. You are a man full of potential and goodness and love. I am honored to be your wife and will be your rubber ducky whenever you need me to be. Besides, if we’re ever in a rut because you followed my advice, well, now we have it in writing. I’ll stand by you no matter what.

I love you more with each passing day. I am already so proud of you. Now go do big things.

Love,

Ania