Cody left for a business trip three weeks ago. He was gone two weeks—the longest stint of time we’ve spent apart since I studied abroad in Spain. In 2013.

Before that, the longest stint away was when we were long distance for 2.5 years, for 3-4 months at a time.

This reflection is not about how badly it sucked that my husband was gone. This reflection is about how much I had to learn and, subsequently, grow because I didn’t have Cody to hide behind. …That’s the part that kind of sucked. A little.

Before he left, we had spent a great weekend together, happy reflecting on our last year: I’ve jumped into a sustainable fitness lifestyle, we bought a rental property, are happy with our jobs, and though the construction on our most recently acquired building is going slower than we would have liked, life is calm. Under control. We expressed gratitude over this.

The first week without Cody was fine — fun, even. It reminded me of when he left last year for a little while. I spent a few days (and nights) at my parents’ house because the extreme Polar Vortex temps closed school and, frankly, if I had the choice between being cold and alone or cold with family, I will choose the latter every time. 

The temperatures were thawing by Thursday, and I was looking forward to a weekend full of friends: I knew I’d be missing Cody something fierce if I didn’t schedule some time with those who know me best.

Things didn’t go according to plan.

Friday night: sleepover with Bailey, an 18-year old firecracker of spunk, pizzazz, and golden goodness. Go to the house on Marengo (what we call the new house that we might get to move into in 2029 if the weather finally cooperates). Check the house for burst pipes and potential water damage.

Saturday: Mom’s birthday! I’m gonna spoil her with a facial, brunch, and a couple hours at the casino. meet the plumber. Go out for breakfast with a dear friend who has experience with life and can remind you it’ll be okay. Leave before food comes to let plumber into unit that actually has the problem. Come back to restaurant and most patient friend ever. Try not to cry over the fact that THE ONE ROOM IN THE NEW UNIT THAT WASN’T GONNA HAVE A HOLE NOW HAS A HOLE IN IT. Fall in love with new neighborhood all over again. Go to niece’s gymnastics meet and celebrate Mom’s birthday with family in the evening.

Sunday: Go to church; sing with Dad. Take older niece with me to Marengo to measure tenant’s shower stall; go to Menard’s, Home Depot, Marengo, Menard’s… And then two hours after scheduled, Superbowl fun with Bailey’s family (because they get life and, with them as friends, life is never nearly as bad as people suggest it is)

Monday: tea with Ana after school and then an evening for my writing. A really nice glass of wine with Ana, then delicious dinner when her husband came home after work. Quick trip to Menard’s, my new second home, and then home for bed time.

What the hell am I going to do when a pipe breaks? Recite a Shakespearean sonnet? I have zero practical skills in the trades.

Plans changed. I was 2.5 steps away from a panic attack. Cody is the one who shows up when things go wrong: I’m usually the one who just hands him a cup of tea at the end of the day with a pat on the back.

When things started breaking and I was the only one who could show up, I had to show up.

Cody was such a great team player when we were apart. He was in constant contact with the tenants and the plumber. I really just had to be the feet on the ground. Though it was inconvenient for a few days, I am so grateful I had Cody there — even if this time, I was walking beside him, and not hiding behind him.

I’m a natural planner, so when plans change and things are seemingly out of control, I rely heavily on the people in my village, earnest prayers from inside my car, and hope that this too shall soon pass. And let’s be clear: what happened wasn’t necessarily hard, it was just so unfamiliar. It was a learning curve; adulting, if you will.

What I am most proud of is that, when things started looking unfamiliar and scary, I didn’t just roll up into a ball and hide. I did the things that needed to be done. I learned stuff. And, though I couldn’t get one-on-one time with Bailey on Friday night, I still made sure I saw her on Sunday. I did not cancel plans with friends or family. I held onto the commitments I made to the people in my life.

Pipes will break and it’s easy to fix, but it’s not as easy to mend a broken relationship. I’m so glad that we were able to work it out, Chicago and California style. Though I may have asked Cody how I let him “get me into this real estate thing?” It was worth the rent check when I left the tenant’s unit on Sunday. Like, oh. He’s trying to protect our -my- financial future.

He’s a hell of a provider. And this time, I had the opportunity to learn how to provide for myself, too.