Cody was offered an amazing job located in Palo Alto, California, with the promise that he can work remotely and (with some conditions, of course) travel/live abroad. I am so excited for this change, mostly because he had started falling prey to “living half asleep” (see Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom)- coming home visibly uneasy and agitated, trying to find other things to keep him enthused, or simply subscribing to the idea that this was how life needed to be right now.
But I knew better. And, at the end of the day, so did he.
I will not allow Cody to be bogged down by the sadness of the world – how else will he help keep my own positivity afloat? Less self-servingly, though, I believe in my husband’s intelligence and zest for life too much to watch him surrender that joy to earn money that we can’t take with us when we go anyway (here he’ll argue that he’s creating a legacy for our family, blahblahblah. It’s not wrong; I’m just different).
I promised to love him in good times and bad – but I’m also allowed to show him when he’s in a bad time and help love him out of it.
Cody spent the last two weeks in California for his orientation. Thankfully, we’ve had practice in the Ways of Long-Distance Relationships.
For those who aren’t familiar, here are
The Basics of Long-Distance Relationships
– Send a morning email to wish him well. Did you forget? Look at that, he owns a computer, too. With 2 hours difference between y’all, he picked up the slack.
– Continue on with your day. Get it, gurl.
– Ya gotta schedule a mid-day call. Check in. Say “hello,” “I love you,” and “Keep gettin’ ’em, tiger.”
– Live your independent daydreams. You’ll have more to talk about if you’re each doing your own thing(s) to the best of your abilit(ies).
– Good night video chat. Laugh, blow kisses, and fall asleep feeling loved.
Incredibly, it worked out that both of our best friends (ie our Maid of Honor and Best Man) were in San Francisco as well! I booked incredibly priced plane tickets and join them out there. It was perfect. When I was in San Francisco, I loved that he was more affectionate than ever. Or maybe I was just noticing it more.
And now, with him back home, I can’t stop appreciating the small gestures: a grazed neck with gentle fingertips here, a bear hug from behind there, and hugs that last as long as it takes.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but I don’t think it’s a miracle that our relationship feels stronger than before – we put in the work while we were apart. It’s hard to fall apart when you keep showing up.
And I suppose that’s Marriage 101. Build a routine and have routine affection.
