Last night, right before I was going to leave the house for the evening, I slipped my rings off my finger and placed them on top of our chest of drawers. I called to Cody reassuringly, “I’m not leaving you!”
He believed me. At this point, it’s become a kind of joke. I keep my rings safe from the volleyball pick-up games I play every Wednesday night or, sometimes, I slip my rings off because my skin begins to crack from the dry winter weather.
It seems like a simple thing, I know, but there’s a world of meaning in that interaction. Let me explain.
What if we had had a bad day -fighting and arguing and assuming the worst in each other- and I had just left my rings there and huffed off to volleyball? If I never reassured him of my vow, the removal of my rings would signal something that could be misconstrued as “I’m threatening you. I’m punishing you for making me feel this way. I hope you feel afraid to lose me.”
From what I hear, people choose this route quite often. I have yet to hear whether this is an effective strategy or not. As for me and Cody, we decided long ago not to play those games. They’re not constructive for our relationship.
In fact, I’ve noticed that, when I really needed to take my rings off one night (because my hands needed some quality lotion time) – after we really had argued – he didn’t jump to conclusions. I’m not sure he even noticed. If he had, though, he’d understand that I wasn’t sending him subliminal messages that I wanted to exit the relationship. Instead, I hope he would have the opposite reaction: even though I’m upset, I promise I’m still be here for you.. I just don’t feel like cuddling right now.
The way I see it, the rings – though left behind – remind him where my heart belongs. I can be a boss at volleyball in the meantime.
