This week, it felt like we were at the beginning of our relationship rather than 9 years and almost 2 years of marriage in, reveling in the beauty of our friendship, the laughter, and the memories being made right now.
Sometimes it’s just easy. I don’t have to wonder or second-guess anything, or ask why something wasn’t put away where it should have been, or be uncomfortable with difficult conversations because the most difficult thing to decide is what kind of ice cream we want for dessert.
Sometimes, it just feels good. It feels right. It feels like no one else on the planet will understand me like he does.
I talk a lot about how relationships require lots of work and maintenance and nurturing. It also takes a lot of work to grow plants and trees. But at some point, you literally get to taste the fruit of your labors.
And, if you’re really lucky, you’ll get this feeling most of the time. And boy, is it sweet.
We’re in Poland for two weeks! I realize this is the first time I missed a weekly reflection since we were married, but because of jet-lag and excitement and a lack of desire to be on a computer when beautiful Krakow was an open door away, I feel justified.
The last few weeks have witnessed me writing sub plans so my students will continue learning despite my extended sojourn, editing my first novel in any moment of down-time, and watching Cody interact with my Polish heritage.
It has been so amazing to see my husband totally open to experiencing the places and family that I’ve grown to remember fondly and make new memories with him. My family has laughed so hard with him. He doesn’t let messed-up Polish words mess up his enthusiasm to learn. Everyone knows Polish is ridiculously difficult to learn, so he is admired rather than ridiculed. Truly, the fact that he is earnestly learning the language is seriously flattering my family. My uncle has appreciated how much Cody embraces life and doesn’t let any potential adventure pass him by. And I have especially loved those quiet moments with Cody when there’s no one else around and he tells me how much he loves that I have this chance to reconnect with family from far away. I even think a part of him is beginning to embrace that this is now his family, too.
My aunt: Wow. Cody even helps clear off the table? Ania, you have it good.
Since we haven’t had much down time, what with going from family member to family member in different villages and cities in southwest Poland, my eyes are perpetually open to what’s going on around me. I have a brain tuned in to patterns – maybe it’s a result of studying piano or analyzing poetry – but I can see when things either keep repeating, or notice when they’re missing. SO.
Being able to appreciate what is in front of us, at this very moment, is the key to my true joy.
I’ve noticed which married couples are still flirting, even 40+ years together. They tease each other, are open to laughing at themselves and one another, and slip in compliments every now and then. They thank each other for little things, and praise each other regardless of how silly the situation may seem. You praise that which you want to see more of, right?
I’ve heard my widowed aunt already say she won’t dance at the family wedding this Saturday because she continues to mourn the loss of her true love, even a decade later. It’s this way of life that makes me love even harder now. Holding grudges just is not worth the time.
And I have been in the presence of a marriage so broken, it seems beyond repair.
Where does this leave me and Cody? I feel like this comes up often, but being able to appreciate what is in front of us, at this very moment, is the key to my true joy. In appreciating even the trials and sorrow that meets us on our journey through life, we understand that they, too, are lessons in improving our characters. And the more I travel with my best friend, the more I realize that Cody and I seem to be reminders to others that it’s okay to act like little kids.
Joy, laughter, and gratitude is what has helped us enjoy every day together up to this point. I hope it continues. I think it will.
Even when the snow falls in the spring, you just have to find a way to see the beauty in it. I think that’s how you avoid the shock of an eventual avalanche – you knew you loved what you had before it was taken away.
After eating ice cream in the car and visiting the castle that used to house German nobility, the snow came down quite a bit. It was gorgeous and fun and will be a memory for a lifetime.
We’ve been married over a year and a half now. I still feel like a newlywed.
We’ve been dating exclusively for 8 years. I still feel I don’t know who I am well enough to tell him everything he wants to know about my likes, dislikes, and dreams.
For over a decade now, I’ve known he was a guy I’d always want to know.
But I also know how quickly people can change. So. Preventative maintenance time.
Directions: Write down the things about yourself that are true right now. Not what you’ve told people for most of your life, or even what you told your significant other when you first started dating. Who are you right now? For 10 minutes, write down your quirks, likes, dislikes, and anything in between. Then share.
Be open-minded. Be prepared to hear things you didn’t think your partner would say about themselves. Don’t be surprised to hear that your own thoughts and beliefs have changed.
You are ever-growing. To check in with the partner you swore to be with for the rest of your natural life is necessary, especially if you don’t want to wake up one day and wonder “Who -are- you?”
Start by asking yourself, “Who am I?”
Then it’s up to you to keep choosing the person your significant other has become. Chances are, the parts you don’t like about him/her reflect something about you: maybe you need to see things from their perspective a bit more, or tell some more stories about how certain experiences have shaped you. Either way, nobody just changes over night. It’s a long process that we tend to ignore, or take for granted. Maybe it’s time to start checking in more regularly.
